| Dysfunctional Greeting Cards
1. I always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love.And now that you've come into my life... (Inside card) - I've changed my mind. 2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life... (Inside card) - I never believed in Hell until I met you.
3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am... (Inside card) - That you're not here to ruin it for me.
4. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go..... (Inside card) - Will you take the knife from my back? You'll probably need it again.
5. Someday I hope to marry... (Inside card) - Someone other than you.
6. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age.... (Inside card) - Almost lifelike!
7. When we were together, you said you'd die for me.... (Inside card) - Now we've broken up, I think it's time to keep your promise.
8. We've been friends for a very long time.... (Inside card) - What do you say we stop?
9. I'm so miserable without you... (Inside card) - It's almost like you're still here
10. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.... (Inside card) - Did you ever find out who the father was?
11. You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket... (Inside card) - I'd miss you terribly and think of you often.
12. Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday... (Inside card) - So we're having you put to sleep.
13. Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad! (Available only in Alabama, Mississippi, and Arkansas)
14. Looking back over the years we've been together, I can't help but wonder... (Inside card) - What was I thinking?
15. Congratulations on your wedding day!... (Inside card) - Too bad no one likes your husband. | 
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